The Hard Way

I have learned the hard way sometimes
because the easy way wasn't good enough
to make an impression, and because this way
I know what exactly I can or can't do
and why.

You might think that I had learned to stop
dreaming about things that give false hope
and make waking so difficult, as gasping for air
is when too long underwater,
but it seems to be the only thing that self-control
cannot touch or hold back,
My mind's nocturnal explosions of longing
unraveling into the first minutes of dawn,
spilled pale orange on the covers.

I drew my sadness out last time wires and wireless
failed me, the physical problems just another way
for the unspeakable to merit a free piggyback into the world
riding in vengeful, burning anger down cheeks,
and I am astounded when I rub them away that
there aren't tracks cut into the flesh.

And still I will go on learning the hard way
because easy is meant for those who do not dare
to dare a little farther and longer than is meant.